Hit and Miss
by WriterLeigh
Summary: After a conversation with Alexis leaves Castle with both doubts and a new realization, who can he turn to but Beckett? Based on the Castle/Alexis sneak peek for 'Undead Again' so contains spoilers!
1. Chapter 1

Author Note:  Hey guys, I know I have two projects that need updating and I am working on them, promise, but this practically forced me to write it.

It's based on the Castle/Alexis sneak peek for 'Undead Again' so if you're spoiler free then consider this your warning. This completely disregards anything else I've seen about the episode, so there will be no involvement of zombies :P

There will be one, perhaps two further chapters to this if people like it. This was going to be a cute little one-shot but it didn't quite turn out like that, hence the reason for further chapters so I can incorporate the cuteness :')

This is a quick turnaround for me, and I haven't found any major mistakes reading through it – if there are any, I hope you can excuse them.

Lastly this fic is for CookieBearBert on twitter, whose tweet inspired this! You're awesome – and if you have twitter you should go follow guys ;D

Hope you enjoy!

-Leigh xo

Disclaimer: It goes without saying that I'm not Andrew Marlowe. I wish I had even an ounce of his talent for the creation of Castle! So yeah, now you know ;)

Hit and Miss

Chapter One

It was nearly 9pm and it was becoming something of a routine for Kate to be surrounded by half empty takeaway containers and nursing a glass of wine. Esposito and Ryan had invited her out after the shift, but she knew it was the first proper 'guys' night they'd had in a while and didn't feel right intruding. Kate didn't tell them she didn't think she could handle being on the receiving end of their knowing looks and the hints that were dropped, _oh so casually_ into conversation. They hadn't forgiven Castle for abandoning them as readily as she had, which had led to them questioning why- and there was only so long Kate could pretend. She appreciated their concern, and it meant a lot to her that Espo and Ryan had her back but she was frustrated too. She and Castle weren't that much further forward and their speculations just seemed to make her feel worse.

Kate was brought out of her musings by a knock at the door and she glanced at her watch, frowning. She rarely got visitors at this time of night, and she'd already eaten- so that only left one person she could think of. Castle. But even that didn't make any sense – before it would have been just like him to turn up unannounced on her doorstep armed with food and a crazy theory – because that was the old Castle and though she'd seen a little more of him lately, things still weren't right between them. Placing a bookmark in the book she was reading, she rested it on the arm of the chair and padded across the floor, retrieving her gun from the dresser drawer – out of habit more than anything else – before pulling the door open. There, leaning heavily against the doorframe stood her partner, looking slightly windswept and a more than a little morose. "Hey," He said awkwardly.

"Hey Castle," She spoke tentatively, giving him the briefest of smiles. Things had been better between them since the whole drama with Slaughter, but the tension was still there and Kate still couldn't work out why. "Are you okay?"

"I – Kate, I know I've been a jackass lately, but – I'm sorry to just turn up like this," He searched his vocabulary for something to help him in his explanation, but ironically came up short. Words failed him and he petered off into silence, hovering uncomfortably in her doorway.

Kate's brow creased and she frowned at his demeanour – from their proximity she was able to detect the faint traces of alcohol on his breath. Her heart rate quickened, in the silence that followed his attempt at explaining she felt they could both hear it thudding against her ribcage, and she struggled to get the words out due to the tightness that had settled somewhere between her chest and her stomach. "Why don't you come in?" She was grateful for the steadiness of her voice, and when Castle didn't reply, she directed him inside. He was vaguely aware of Kate's hand encompassing his and as the familiarity of her cherry scent washed over him, something caught in his throat and his eyes became damp. Castle quickly ducked his head as she turned towards him, propelling him down onto the sofa and if she'd noticed the tears glistening in his expression, she didn't pass comment. "I'd suggest having a drink," She started awkwardly, inclining her head towards the bottle of wine on the counter, "But that's probably not a good idea, so how about a coffee?" Kate wasn't reprimanding him, and instead her words were laced with concern as she set about making their drinks in silence.

Their fingers brushed briefly as she handed Castle one of the two coffees, but if it affected him he didn't show it. She sat down on the couch beside him, close enough to offer comfort, but not so close that she was invading his personal space. "Do you want to tell me why you're here Castle?" When Kate spoke, it was in that same quiet tone, as if she was afraid of overstepping the mark. "Not that it's not okay - you know you're always welcome," She added hastily, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. Anxiously, her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, and she appeared interested in the contents of her cup because she didn't want to make him feel any more uncomfortable.

Castle took a gulp of the coffee, buying himself some time before he had to explain himself. Suddenly, when he was sat in her apartment his decision to come here didn't seem like such a good idea. The liquid scalded his throat as he swallowed and he let out a pained grimace at the sensation, noticing Kate roll her eyes next to him as if to say, '_of course it's hot, dumbass. What did you expect?'_ "Things have changed between us lately Castle, and I don't know why but I want you to know you can talk to me, we're still partners, if- if nothing else."

"It's Alexis," He replied finally, looking everywhere but at her, "I'm probably just making something out of nothing really but-" He stopped speaking and shook his head.

"Did the two of you have a fight?" Kate asked, trying to coax information out of him, as she would when questioning an uncomfortable witness. It felt awkward pushing him to speak, but he didn't seem to know where to begin so prompting him seemed like the logical thing to do.

Castle considered her words briefly, "I wouldn't exactly call it a fight," He answered with a sigh, "But it made me realize just how much my little girl has grown up, and I hate it."

Kate gave him a sympathetic glance, "Well I hate to point it out," She started hesitantly, keeping her tone light, "But it's not a change that's happened overnight."

"It's only started becoming noticeable since- since the summer," By the way he stumbled over the words and carefully avoided her gaze, Kate was able to read between the lines and it was the things he wasn't saying that lingered in the air between them. _Since you were shot. _He placed his mug on the table.

She could feel herself beginning to grow warm, and the blush beginning to creep up across her cheeks, "You can say it you know," Kate struggled to dispel the lump in her throat, but continued speaking regardless, "I know I'm not the only one my shooting had an effect on and you have to believe me Castle, I'm so sorry you got caught up in it."

"You know I wouldn't have had it any other way;" Castle told her firmly, his eyes finally displaying a flicker of their usual warmth even if only for a moment. "Don't blame yourself Kate, because it's not your fault." He watched her intently, eyes never leaving hers as he spoke, "There are things Alexis doesn't know, and it means she doesn't understand why I won't just walk away. She thinks it's all about the excitement, about Nikki Heat- but it hasn't been for a long time." Kate was about to speak but Castle seemed to feel he'd revealed too much, because he quickly reverted to talking about Alexis. "I was always the cool dad," He said, his voice muffled because his head now was resting in his hands, "Alexis always used to appreciate that, but now she seems embarrassed by it." He looked up, frustration clearly on his face, "It just feels like I'm getting it all wrong."

"Well I've obviously never had a teenage daughter," Kate started, injecting a note of humour into her voice and she was both pleased and relieved to see the corner of Castle's lips turn upwards. She didn't let the conversation shift faze her, nor acknowledge that she'd noticed, "But I've been one, and I can tell you – it's like everything in life – very hit and miss. As a parent, you don't always get it right, and that's okay; it doesn't matter. What matters is getting it right when it counts the most, and you have. You've done a great job with her Castle," She tentatively reached out and placed a hand on his knee, which was unconsciously jiggling but stopped at her touch, "You only have to look at her to see which parent Alexis takes after; she's a credit to you."

"But she doesn't need me anymore," The words had rolled off his lips before he could prevent them, and the harsh reality of his words felt like being hit repeatedly in the stomach. "She hasn't for a while now, but I guess I've been too wrapped up in –" He hesitated, contemplating the end of his sentence before finishing it, "too wrapped up in other things for it to sink in."

"Of all the stupid things I've ever heard you say," She started, eyeing him critically, "I think that just about trumps them all," He didn't reply, and it was only then she realised how greatly he feared this. "Of course she needs you Rick," Kate answered, looking up at him finally and seeing the sadness reflected in his eyes. Taking her hand from where it was resting on his leg, she bravely entwined her fingers with his and it was a measure of how much he needed the reassurance that he didn't push her away. "Do you really think that going out of state is going to be easy for her? It's going to be an exciting new change sure, but what about the homesickness? So she may not need you to pack her lunch, or pick her up from school, but it's going to be you she calls up every night just because she needs to hear a familiar voice-"

"But she wouldn't need to call me every day if she just stayed in New York," Castle pointed out, knowing as he said it that she'd shoot his argument down in flames, but perhaps that was what he needed. Perhaps that's why he had come here, to gain some perspective.

"But she wouldn't feel she was fulfilling her dreams if she did, and I know you want that for her," Kate countered, glancing at him knowingly. "You can't stop this from happening Rick; Alexis is independent enough to go for what she wants, but we both know she won't be happy doing it without your approval."

"She has my approval," Castle answered, choking on the words, and trying to wipe the wetness from around his eyes without it being obvious, "Always."

Kate's breath caught in her throat as she registered the use of the word and the sentiment behind it; the look in Castle's eyes was one she'd committed to memory a long time ago- because it was the same way he'd looked at her until recently. She became aware of the silence and hoped her voice wouldn't betray her when she spoke, "You'll still be her Dad, it doesn't matter where in the country she is or however old she gets and even though she might not realise or like it, she'll always be your little girl." Kate swallowed hard; she could tell her words had struck a chord with him and her own eyes had misted over, "Hell, I'm thirty-three but the way my Dad lectures me sometimes you'd think I was sixteen."

Castle was silent for a while, finishing off his drink and considering the truth to her words, "But who am I gonna beat at laser tag when she leaves?" He answered finally, pouting and instantly causing the tension that lingered to dissipate.

Kate rolled her eyes, leaning forward and placing her empty mug on the coffee table, "Well I'm not promising I'll let you win," She arched an eyebrow and gave him her trademark teasing smirk, "But I'm willing to let you try."

For a second his eyes seemed to light up and it made her smile to see it, but when she glanced back at him it had had gone, and he was looking subdued again. Kate was about to question this sudden change when Castle spoke, "Alexis told me I needed to grow up," He muttered, and for a second there was silence. When he looked up, he could see Kate fighting to hide a smile, "I'm glad you find it so amusing," He deadpanned, "But as usual she's right, I do need to and I'm going to, starting now." Their eyes met and she was taken aback by the unreadable expression on his face, "Can we talk, Kate?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note:**

_Hey guys, I just wanted to take a couple of lines to say thank you all so much for your response to this story. Since I posted it, I've had over 200 email notifications and I can't tell you how much I appreciate every single one. So yeah, thank you all for reviewing, alerting and adding this to your favourites. _

_As I was writing the second chapter, my mind ran away with me on ideas for a couple more chapters, so I'm not entirely sure how long it's going to be now. I hope you all continue to enjoy it. Here's chapter two! I promise it does get happier soon! _

_Please review (:_

_-Leigh xo_

_PS: Apologising for the few day wait between chapters. I've tried to rewrite this twice, and I like the content of the first attempt better so we're running with that, and hopefully the next chapter I'll be able to fully take on board the constructive criticism I've received. I'm still not sure what I think of this, but I think I'm as happy as I'm going to get._

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**Disclaimer:**_Well last time I checked, I was still a young twenty something female fangirl, so you can safely assume I don't own anything you recognise. All credit goes to Andrew Marlowe and the team at ABC._

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**Hit and Miss**

**Chapter Two **

Castle could feel her eyeing him, almost warily it seemed; the coffee had quickly succeeded in sobering him up and he was made easily aware of her discomfort by the way she played unconsciously with her hands, and how even as she surveyed him, she couldn't fully allow herself to meet his gaze.

Her insides churned slightly, and Kate had the feeling she was on the verge of learning the reason behind his strange behaviour of late. Though recently it was all she'd been wanting for him to tell her what she'd done to make things so awkward between them, a part of her wasn't sure she was ready for his answer. _What if she'd done something so bad it couldn't be fixed? But then surely if it was that bad she'd have remembered? If it was that bad, why hadn't he left her by now? _Her panicked thoughts chased themselves through the chambers of her brain, and feeling him watching her intently, Kate realised he was still waiting for an answer. "Are you sure you want to do this now?" She asked him tentatively, pausing before she elaborated, "I mean it's late, your emotions are running high-"

"And I'm thinking clearer than I have been in a while," Castle interrupted not breaking eye contact and the look he gave her, told Kate he knew exactly what was running through her head, "It's why it's the perfect time."

She couldn't quite trust herself to speak for a second, nerves causing her stomach to turn over again, "You're right," She answered finally, the words sounding foreign to her as they rolled off her lips. "We do need to talk, and we will- but first I'm gonna go and make us some more coffee."

She stalled for time, struggling to stand up from the comfort of her couch – something which Castle used to his advantage, reaching for her as she stumbled, gently gripping her around the wrist. Kate found herself being propelled back down into a sitting position and as her legs made contact with the sofa again, she was looking anywhere but at him. "You can't run away from this anymore Kate," He said into the silence, his fingers still laced around her as if he thought she'd make a break for it if he let go.

Kate looked down at his fingers around her wrist; preventing her from bolting. Hearing Castle's words made her bear resemblance to a deer trapped in the headlights, but slowly the look vanished being replaced by one of resignation, "I know," She responded finally, looking up and finding his eyes. "Believe me I've tried," She attempted a wry smile but to him it came out as more of a pained grimace. "I've spent twelve years hiding behind my Mom's case, and running from things I can't control, from anything that means change- and I can't do it to myself anymore Castle. I'm so tired." She fell silent, pulling her hand out of his grip – almost expecting some form of resistance on his part but being met with none – twisting them in her lap, and looking up at him expectantly. "What did you- want to talk about?" Her voice cracked, betraying the unease she felt but Kate didn't even bother to disguise it. Over the last few weeks she'd realized; she had nothing to hide from him anymore. Castle had seen her at her best and her worst, been there for the highs and the lows without asking for anything in return, and now Kate was ready to give him something back. Her heart. She inwardly drew breath and placed her hand back over his, giving it a soft squeeze.

Castle allowed himself to relish in the feel of the skin to skin contact and felt the lump resurface in his throat as he realized that this would be the last time they shared _that _kind of moment. They couldn't keep carrying on the way they were; he'd known it was only of matter of time when he found out the truth but his conversation with Alexis had forced him to acknowledge that there was nothing adult about the way he was behaving. For the longest time he just looked at her, her features becoming hazy as his eyes became damp, "I think you know what," He managed finally. "You don't have to pretend anymore Kate; I know you lied to me about the shooting."

He watched the colour drain out of her face at the implication of his words, saw her biting down furiously on her bottom lip and he was surprised she didn't draw blood. "How did you – how long – you've known since the bombing haven't you?" Kate's voice was barely audible and Castle found himself leaning forwards to catch what she said.

"I heard you interrogating Bobby," He answered back equally quietly, forcing himself to keep looking at her, tracing every line of her face with his eyes even though it hurt to do. "You told him that-"

"I remembered everything." Her words were flat, and he could see the pain in her eyes as she spoke. Any anger he'd been feeling towards her dissipated in an instant because the way Kate was looking at him now told him more than a verbal explanation ever could. She'd never have deliberately made him out to be a fool, although it certainly made him feel like one to realise how stupid he'd been in thinking otherwise. "I'm so sorry Castle.. I didn't do it to hurt you."

"I don't blame you for it," Castle told her seriously, trying to assuage both her guilt and his own, but unintentionally increasing it tenfold, "Don't get me wrong, I did- I was furious when I found out, but now I'm just sorry you didn't feel you could be honest with me." He couldn't prevent the bitterness that slipped out with his next words, and though it stung, she knew it was justified.

"Believe me Rick, that's not a reflection on you, not in the slightest," Kate said, struggling to remain composed as she brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around herself. "It's a reflection on me – on the person that I hadn't quite managed to let go of seven months ago. I wanted to tell you I remembered, that it was your words that got me through my recovery, and that it was the second time you–" She hesitated for a second, before throwing caution to the wind and continuing, "The second time you'd saved my life."

"Why didn't you tell me then?" Castle asked, the end of her sentence only registering with him as the first question left his lips. His jaw dropped slightly and his eyes widened, but he quickly schooled his features into a neutral expression, "When was the first time?"

Kate contemplated for a second which of his questions to answer first, uncurled her body and stood up from the couch, "I'll be back in a second," She told him, before disappearing into her room and retrieving a book from her bedside drawer. He was still sat in the same position when she returned and handed it to him- glancing down at the cover, he realised he was holding a hardback copy of 'In a Hail of Bullets.' He shot Kate a questioning glance, and she gave him a casual shrug of the shoulders, leaning across him and opening it to the title page. The first thing he noticed was that in the top left-hand corner, 'Johanna Beckett's Library' was printed in fading ink. As his eyes scanned the page, they landed on his own penmanship;

'_**For Kate,**_ _**because sometimes we all need an escape from reality.' **_

It was followed by his autograph and as Castle traced over the letters on the page, he wished he could have remembered writing it- although at the time he knew she would have had some kind of impact on him, because he'd written more than the usual hastily scrawled signature.

"You had a big fan in my mom," Kate began to speak softly, the corners of her lips turning up into a sad smile before she haltingly continued to explain, "About a month after- after she died, I was sorting out her things; most of them went into storage in the loft, but I kept some of her books, including yours. She was halfway through re-reading this-" She gestured to the book which lay open in his lap, her eyes watering as she tried not to cry, "That night I took it into my room and stayed up to read it. It- it made me feel closer to her somehow, like part of her was still there. After that I started reading the rest of your work," Her eyes fluttered shut for a second, a tear creeping from beneath closed lids. "She always said she was going to have you sign this, and when she didn't get the chance, I did it for her. You've no idea what your words meant to me- you became my escape, Rick."

Castle's arms automatically came up to wrap around her slender frame, pulling her against his body; whatever else they hadn't talked about yet, Kate looked like she was teetering on the brink of an emotional breakdown and he wasn't exactly faring much better. He figured they could both use the comfort, and judging by the way Kate clung to him she agreed. With her face buried in his shirt, she couldn't help but to inhale his scent, feeling a painful jolt beneath her ribcage and hot tears beginning to slide uncontrollably down her cheeks. Castle's arms tightened as she trembled, and he muttered something she couldn't distinguish into her hair. Kate wasn't sure how long they sat there like that, but she inwardly protested when his grip on her loosened, and he broke the almost therapeutic silence, "Why didn't you tell me you remembered?"

She lifted her head off his chest and pulled herself back into a sitting position, "I know I should have told you before," She started, ducking her head and wiping her eyes. "I don't want to make excuses for that-"

"Then don't," Castle interrupted quietly, "I know you Kate, and I know you don't do anything without thinking it through first- what was it that stopped you from telling me?"

Kate drew a shaky breath before answering, "I was waiting until I was in a position to be able to say it back," Her eyes never left his this time, because she hoped he could see a sincerity reflected there that couldn't be put into words.

This time Castle couldn't prevent the surprise from showing and the ghost of a smile flitted across Kate's face as she reached across and gently closed his mouth. He just blinked twice trying to process her last admission, and his mind raced considering and dismissing every potential meaning behind her words, until he came to a conclusion he couldn't ignore. _He'd got it wrong. _He didn't know how, but it was the only explanation."You love me?" He asked finally, needing her to confirm it because he didn't feel in any position to trust his own interpretation.

Castle saw the shy smile cross her lips and felt her fingers start caressing the back of his hand, "I do," Kate breathed the words and if he hadn't been listening intently he wouldn't have heard her. "Rick I –"

"But I – I thought – It's the only thing that seemed to make sense," Castle struggled to find the words to explain why he'd been so distant with her over the last few weeks.

"You thought I didn't feel the same," Kate supplied gently, helping him out, and grateful he didn't have to explain, Castle could tell the pieces had finally shifted into place in her mind. "I wanted to give us a chance; we've spent so long on the brink of something- I – I don't think I could have lived with myself if I'd jumped into this, and lost you because I wasn't ready to accept your love."

"That wouldn't have happened," Castle told her, feeling increasingly guilty as Kate's words gradually unravelled the conclusions he'd drawn from her lie.

"You can't say that...I know what I'm like Rick – what I was like," She quickly corrected herself, her grip tightening on his hand. "When I can't handle something, I self-destruct. I hurt the people I'm close to – it's why I pushed you away over the summer" Kate paused, "But it's not like that anymore. I've been in therapy since I came back. I've worked through a lot, and I'm in a better place now. I'm ready to handle it now."

"When you say it-" Castle started slowly; he didn't want to pressure her into saying the things he wanted to hear but at the same needed to make sure they were finally reading from the same page.

He felt her let go of his hands, smiling slightly as she used them to aid her explanation, at the same time angling herself closer to him on the couch, "This- us- you know I'm not good at this Rick, but I need you more than I've ever needed anyone before and it scares the hell out of me." There was no mistaking the vulnerability in her voice, or the way her eyes misted over, but she continued on the same track, "And sometimes it might just mean I need you to give me a little push in the right direction, but I'm ready for that." Kate's hands came up and gripped his shirt collar and she leaned in closer still, whispering her next words against his ear, "I love you, and I'm ready to let you love me back." Taking the initiative, she pressed her lips against the top of his jaw, trailing languid kisses along it before coming into contact with his mouth. Her tongue flicked against his bottom lip; it seemed to ignite something within them both and suddenly Castle was kissing her back, his hands snaking around her body and then tangling in her hair. Kate's mouth fell open slightly as his teeth grazed her lip, giving him the opportunity to explore with his tongue

and she let out a low groan at the sensation of that combined with feeling his fingers starting to massage her scalp. They continued in the same vein for several minutes, neither battling for dominance nor submitting to the attentions of the other. Their breathing was already ragged and when they finally pulled apart – despite the looks of matching desire etched on both faces – Kate collapsed against his chest, letting out a shaky breath and contenting herself with listening to his erratic heartbeat as it steadily returned to normal.

"Kate," It took everything Rick had to break the hushed silence that seemed to have settled upon them, broken only by their shallow breathing, and he was sure the sound of his heart pounding beneath his ribcage.

"Mhmm," Her eyes were closed as she gave a non-committal murmur in response, but there was no mistaking how she was feeling. Her lips were curved up into the most satisfied smile he'd ever seen grace her features, and he silently promised himself that whatever happened when he told her, it wouldn't be the last time he caused her to grin like that.

"Can you just sit up for a second?" Castle asked seriously, knowing there was no way he could have this conversation with Kate while she lay pressed against him so familiarly. "There's something we need to talk about."

Kate frowned; something in his voice was making her feel on-edge again and she quickly sat up, her hands releasing the material of his shirt that had been gripped between her fingers. "What is it?" Her eyes searched his face questioningly, and she felt her heart miss a beat when she finally looked into his worried eyes. "Rick?"

"I've got a confession to make," Castle told her quietly, seemingly fighting an internal battle with himself but eventually pulling her back into his arms because he missed the comforting feel of her weight against him. "But first I need you to come with me- there's something you need to see."


End file.
